Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
