I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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