Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ladies don't puke and tell
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
