We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
