I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
