DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How's work?
Spinning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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