I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
