But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i need an iv and a liver transplant
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I want is dick and wine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
