Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize