During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize