We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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