Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
