It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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