The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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