i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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