So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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