I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
