smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
