get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
