I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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