Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
