I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
