don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
