Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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