i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
