tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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