you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
