Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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