Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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