sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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