He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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