I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
