Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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