Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
