I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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