my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize