she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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