I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
