yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
