Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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