Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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