she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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