went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
