Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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