Sponge bath it is.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
