help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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