The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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