Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
