I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
