those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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