So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
