I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
