i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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