So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
