i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
