Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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