Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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