I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
