There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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