Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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