It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
