i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found the puke drawer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
