yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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