there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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