I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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