no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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