We're facebook friends in real life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
