Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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