he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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