im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
