wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
