3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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