the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
